A Non-Stereotypical “I Haven’t Posted In A While” Post
I haven’t posted in a while and here are the reasons:
1. I hate all my friends.
2. The CIA is watching my every move.
3. Peanut Butter is utter shit here.
4. I lost all my socks in the Circle Line Tube Station.
5. The Taliban is watching most of my moves.
That’s why I haven’t been posting.
Since I’ve posted last, I turned 21. All the people in the program came out and it was very nice. I didn’t puke. Winner.
I’ve been to a couple of museums. In the British Museum I saw Karl from Love Actually, but he was dead. Here’s what he looks like alive:
And here’s what he looks like dead:
Who knew he could get even hotter!
My favorite beer is Hoegarden. I feel like a pimp when I order it. Pimps usually plow hoes, right? Yea, I went there. And by there I mean really predictable, not vulgar.
We’re seeing Hamlet on Tuesday. It’s three and a half hours long. Shakespeare would have bitten his thumb at the show and then whipped out his naked weapon right before intermission number 2.
The Following Post Will Discuss The Reasons Soccer Is An Incredible Sport
The British Are Coming
And aren’t wearing protection. Bahahahaha.
Formula: Name something + How great I thought it was X Compare it to something American ^ It’s better here = London
We went to a pub last night and it was fantastic. It’s called Gloucester Arms. A ton of people in our group went together and we isolated ourselves from the actual British like Alaska from the rest of the world. No one was brave enough to Sarah Palin and meet other people, but then again no one seems illiterate. Honestly, pubs are incredible and better than every place I’ve ever been to in America.
Today we took a
touristy sight seeing tour of the city. We drove by Harrods. I’ve been in before and am excited to wander around again. It’s like Macy’s but not awful and not ruining the ozone layer (maybe it is. it has its own generator…) Honestly, Harrods is better than every place I’ve ever been to in America.
Then we drove past Westminster Abbey and I pooped myself because it looked so beautiful. It’s incredible to see the detailed stone carvings and know that they were created in a time with much less child labour. Cheers to that. Westminster Abbey doesn’t compare to anything in America, except maybe Macy’s. Honestly, Westminster Abbey is better than every place I’ve ever been to in America.
Finally, we watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. It was boring and made me feel Merika pride.
My flatmates and I talk about music a lot and I’m into some new stuff. Check out this sweet song they showed me.
I’ve Decided To Go Home. London Isn’t For Me.
I arrived today in London and immediately took on a British accent. Then I was beaten to a bloody pulp by people who knew I was an American trying to do a British accent. Ironically, the same thing happened in Madison about two months ago.
I’ve met some of the people in my trip. They all hate me and my religion. Per usual.
I bought alcohol legally today, and I plan on drinking it. Hey future employers!
The Piccadilly tube travels from Heathrow to Cockfosters. I knew I was really tired after the flight because I didn’t laugh at Cockfosters nearly as much as I should have.
If you want to advertise on my blog, speak to the Badger Herald Advertising Department.
LN Scott Simile: Gandhi inspired as much hope as LN Scott
The Most Serious Blog Post
When I was younger, I had an outie bellybutton. Now I have a half outie, half innie. I think this perfectly describes my life, specifically my physical attributes.
As I am about to embark to the third-world, poverty-stricken, AIDS-ridden, Beatles-infested land of London, I can’t help but think about my family member who passed away in the Revolutionary War. How brave were these souls? Half of them wearing red coats and the other half hiding in bushes, killing each other in the name of independence and peace. Poetry.
An acquaintance of mine, Justine Marcus, thanked everyone who is making her trip possible in her first blog post, so I will do the same.
In order of deserving thanks, from greatest to least:
2. Chad Ochocinco- His last name made me want to visit a country that speaks a different language.
3. LN Scott- This blog defines my very existence. Where would any of us be without these commandments?
4. My Parents’ Banker- Yep.
5. My Friend’s Parents’ Bankers- Why not?
From my first time in London. And I was only 16 then!